Beauty Monologue Series: Ramblings of a Lipstick

by Roxanne C.

{Today’s contributor to the Beauty Monologue Series is an anonymous lipstick. It seems she’s got a feisty and bitchy character and I don’t think many of the other beauty products like her very much. But let’s see what she has to say.}


Why hello there! I’m pretty excited to be talking to you about beauty! You see, not many people give us lipsticks a chance to voice our opinions on anything at all. They think we’re just there to make girls look pretty, give them some pouty smackers and sit in their makeup pouches, only to be shown off in the restrooms. Not that I see a problem with letting the others see my beautiful gold engravings. Miss Mascara’s got an issue with me, though. She thinks I’m too bright and that people pay too much attention to me, but I think she just dislikes the fact that she ain’t got no glitter on her, no ma’am. Somebody’s jealoooous!


But I’m supposed to be talking about me. You know, it’s not easy being a lippie. Miss Lip Liner, well, she’s kinda like me, but she’s really not. She just wishes she is. I mean, we lipsticks are a whole ballgame altogether. We come in so many different shades under the sky and we give so many finishing touches too. Besides, we all look different and in spite of that, we’re the first thing that people think of when they want some colour on their lips. So I guess this means we’re important too. The Lip Liner family, well, they all look the same and they all do the same thing, which is to keep us in check. Not that we really need it anyways. Pffft.


Being a lipstick is really quite cool, you know. Even fashion designers love us. Have you seen the Alberto Guardiani heels? They’re breathtaking, aren’t they? The best thing about being a lipstick, of course, is having our owners kiss somebody else they’re in love with. It’s like, we’re in the middle of all that action! You can’t get any closer than that! One time, this drag and his boyfriend (whom I was with) kissed on stage and I got to meet Shocking from Dolce and Gabbana! Oh, you’d never believe it. I can’t wait to see her again. She’s so much fun!


The Alberto Guardiani Lipstick Heel.


The gross part about being me, is, quite disgustingly, bad breath. Ugh! Oh, oh, and dry, flaky lips too. Talking about dry lips, sometimes I really wonder what Miss Lip Balm is up to. She never works when she’s supposed to and she’s always sneaking off to meet those dye friends of hers. Nothing good ever comes out of them being together. Hmm, but back to bad breath. Have you ever met someone with that? It is simply horrendous. I’ve just one advice for you if you’re unfortunate enough to bump into someone that smells like rotten garlic: Run. You’d get some exercise and fresh air. Unfortunately for me, I’ve got nowhere to go when that happens. It’s depressing. All the other misses stay far away if they can and then I’m very sure someone starts to gossip about me! Hu hu! Why, it’s not my fault I’m covered in bacteria!


Well anyway, I have to go. Tonight we’re heading to a breast cancer awareness event and I’ve to help my human look her best. Boy, it’s tough being pink but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! OK gotta go! Ta ta! *Muack*





Fresh strawberries via Foldedmemos.




Image credits: Fashion with a Conscience & Chic Choice