Beauty Monologue Series: A Mascara’s Tale

by Roxanne C.

{It seems many people liked Miss Lipstick the previous time. Today’s Miss Mascara is a little different. She’s smart, knowledgeable, sexy and a perfectionist. Here, she tells us what it’s like to be a mascara, woes and tales included.}


Hello there. I see you look interested today. And well, why not. I’ve got quite a bit to tell and better now then never. I read the piece from Miss Lipstick and I must say, that little thing really thinks everybody wants to be like her, doesn’t she. To set the record straight, I’m not jealous of her, unlike what she thinks. I mean, what’s the point of having glitter when you’re sexy without it? *Shrugs*


Being a mascara is hard, and times are getting worse for us magic wands. It’s no use. No matter how hard we try at bringing volume or length, and even when we mix up with technology a little and present you with vibrations, you humans just can’t be satisfied. So what do you do? You invent these fake lashes that make us seem silly. Unwanted. Pointless. It’s tiring. I always say, it don’t matter if we’re ink or rubber, it’s never gonna be enough. Ain’t it true.


We mascaras come a loooong way. I still remember the stories my great grandmama used to tell me before she – well – dried up. Oh, you’ve never heard of it? We’re all descendants of the great Egyptians, yes. One can only guess who that genius was, who thought of the incredible idea of putting burnt almond, honey and crocodile stool together. Crocodile stool, yes! You look really surprised. *Chuckles* Of course, we’re much more sophisticated now. I don’t reckon anyone would like hanging out with someone who smells like waste.


Why, if you’ll ask me, I’ll say we mascaras have still got a long way to go. Sure thing with the falsies but somehow we still end up being carried around in makeup pouches. By the way, if you ever see someone with that red Paul’s Boutique pouch, please buy me for her. I’d love to stay in that comfy little nook.


My favourite thing about being a mascara? Weddings. It’s the only time when brides use us like there’s no tomorrow. Not only the brides, though. The bridemaids, the guests, the bride’s mother, the groom’s mother… Everyone brings along their mascaras and when they go in the restrooms, all of us get to meet and catch up with one another. It’s like a huge party where we all secretly watch out for the ones who don’t make it – fall off with the tears, that’s what I mean. Once at a wedding at Chateau Rigaud, even the maids were ordered to have makeup on and woooh, what a huge mess it was. You’d think rich humans would have the sense to at least use waterproof mascara. Hmpf, you should have seen the amount of wasted product! *Whispers* And of course, soiled faces. How impeccably gross.


The worst part about being a mascara… is… well… hmm… *Pouts* Why, what do you know. I can’t seem to think of any! Maybe the weirdest part about us is the coloured ones. The purples and blues… I don’t know about you but coloured lashes on humans reminds me of art class. Nothing, ever beats being black. The true, original one. The one that draws all the boys, yes.


Sumptuous Color Bold Volume Lifting Mascara by Estee Lauder.


So, ho-kay, I think my time’s up. You gotta leave and I got a show to put up. My human’s gonna come for me real soon and you don’t want to get caught. She screams like one of them shrill mandrakes. I do hope her date goes well later. Sigh, that unfortunate girl. Till later. *Seductive smile*





Bridge by the river via A Good Thing Happened.






Image credits: Lashem & Makeup4All