Life: Today’s Gratitude Journal

March 27, 2018
The Skinny Scout in NYC

So I’m sitting here, in front of my computer when I could actually be sitting in a cafe but I’m a little sick of hanging out in cafes so here I am at home. I also woke up with a terrible sore throat. I think I need Lysol in my bedroom’s air-conditioning unit. Or something. I’m getting incoherent, which isn’t typical of me when I blog, but today I am realising that this is my blog and this is how I feel like writing because this reflects my mood of the day.

 

A very hyggelige mood because the weather is dreary and cold outside – and I love it.

 

Nobody prepared me for the not-hustling-like-a-mad-dog-and-still-getting-what-you-want.

 

Maybe you don’t know this, but I reflect often about my life. Maybe a bit too often, like anytime I’m not doing anything, I’m thinking about what I’m doing in my life. Am I doing anything right? Am I doing anything wrong? Am I too slow in some areas? Am I going faster and harder than I can handle? Is that why I’m falling sick? Should I be progressing faster? Is it OK if all I want to do in my life is enjoy growing my company at my own pace and have a good time while at it, enjoying life? I want to have kids but can I afford to have kids? How long is it going to take me to get my company where I want it to be and how will that change my life? And if it isn’t going to change my life much, then why shouldn’t I enjoy life a little more now instead of worrying about all these useless things? Oh, look at that, I survived the past 2 years without a “proper job,” relying on my savings and giving part time private lessons (that’s quite a feat, according to my best friend).

 

I’ve reached my tipping point. I need to let go.

 

One of the things about manifesting is that you need to let go of what you want in life and trust that it will happen anyway. And while you work with “down stream effort,” know that you’re still working towards your goals but smarter. And that’s what I decided to do just last Friday.

 

In all my life, especially while still a student, I’ve always been taught (by others and from my own experiences) that you had to work hard as hell for whatever you wanted in life – and it had always kind of worked out as expected. You studied like crazy and you got results. But coming into adulthood and having worked in different sectors/industries, I can tell you that it isn’t sustainable. Nobody prepared me for the not-hustling-like-a-mad-dog-and-still-getting-what-you-want. I had to learn this all on my own. I had to learn to let go. Because although you cannot control everything that happens in your life, you can control how you internalise it. You may work your ass off every single day to achieve your goal, but real life has shown us again and again that that doesn’t always happen. What matters more is what’s inside you and how you make that work for you.

 

We’d have a patio and have meals in the backyard during the spring time.

 

I have dreams and goals I want to achieve with my business, I want to grow it to be a brand that people know and love and connect deeply with. I want to be able to spread my message of independence and self-confidence in women. I want to provide jobs for people in my society, to give meaning in their lives and help them level up. I want to contribute in ways that I can to those around me, by building a brand that gives as well as takes.

 

With that, personally, I’d have a loving family in a good home, in a good place. Our days will be happy, well, save for the times when someone will cry over fallen chocolate-coated donuts. We’d have an oven and I’d be able to whip up a mean baked creamy mushroom chicken. We’d have a patio and have meals in the backyard during the spring time. My wine will age well over time and our steaks will be done just right. My kids will learn the ropes from me, sit in during my meetings and hopefully eventually grow the brand to something everlasting. We’ll go in the mountains and sit by the lakes, and at the same time we’ll be all Shentonista during the weekdays (you still have got to work, you know).

 

Life will be peaceful and happy.

 

And so I look upon my life and I see that I have so much to be thankful for. I already have a happy life. I am now able to not hustle like mad and can prioritise things in my life. I have choices. I have romantic weekends just with the fiancé. We have a beautiful balcony with a gorgeous view for lovely alfresco dining in the evenings. I can go to the beach whenever I want. I can choose to have kids. I already have a brand that I continually grow. I still have savings! And of course, I still have my friends and family, and most importantly, my health. And because I have all these wonderful things going for me in my life, I can look forward to even better things in the future!

 

I’d like to end off today’s post by asking you this: What are you grateful for in your life?

 

Love,

Roxanne

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